too soon for a meltdown

We've started our second week of lessons, mostly because Christi was begging for them. Okay, so she was begging last week. This week, not so much. This week Mom is no fun, and after all, learning should be fun. This week has been a trial.

Here is the rub. We know learning is fun. We also know equally that in Christi's opinion, school is most definitely not fun. We discovered not long ago that both girls are gifted, visual-spatial learners. I've done my homework. I understand visual-spatial learning styles (mostly), and I understand gifted (kind of). My difficulty is in putting it all together.

Curriculum is not really a consideration, because it doesn't in most cases fit our needs. I'm okay with that. I so much want to be an incredible unschooler. But I question myself constantly. I wonder if I will ever be able to trust the process completely. I want to, but dang it I'm just so...schooled, and I don't mean that in a positive way.

I worry about following a completely child-led approach. I worry that in letting the girls lead, I will miss something - something they want, something they haven't discovered to be wonderful yet, something they "should" know, pieces of important puzzles. I know that I should trust them to communicate what they need, and I do. The question is, "Will I hear them?" And furthermore, will I have the wherewithal to respond in a way that nurtures their love of learning? Oh, those are big mama shoes to fill.

I know deep down in my gut that unschooling is the greatest gift I can give to my children. Now I just have to reconcile myself to the fact that all of the methods and rubrics of my educational background are truly a disservice to my precocious girls. They love to learn. Now I just need to move myself out of the way. I need to get the pedagogy out of my system and become their learning helper instead of their teacher. What a concept! But - We still have to do some core learning .